Forever irked that Rudy Guliani is considered "America's Mayor" for what he did during and after the 9/11 Terrorist attacks, Michael Bloomberg has issued a fatwah that he will be America's Mayor at all costs. Along these lines, the Mayor has launched a sting operation in Arizona to protect the citizens of New York City from the mass of "gun show guns" that infiltrate his city and cause massive amounts of violence. He has proven that thugs who try to get around the glorious gun laws of New York do so by driving 80 hours round trip or plunking down a few hundred dollars and flying 8 hours round trip to pick up a handgun so that they can rob their nearest 7-11 immediately upon their return. He also proved that some of the illicit "gun show guns" drive or fly themselves from Arizona and locate a thug who doesn't have the means to drive or fly there and convince them to adopt the gun at which point the gun convinces the otherwise law abiding thug to commit crime. Said one unnamed thug, "I sat here day after day not knowing how I was going to be able to find a gun to rob someone. I was at my wits end and thinking about looking for a job. Then, I heard there were these gun shows in the AZ, that barely checked anything. So I went a stole me a car, splashed and dashed at the gas station and robbed the ATM. I was all set for 3 days of driving to get me to the AZ!" said the thug. Fortunately Mayor Bloomberg has alerted us all to the ease of NYC thugs obtaining these guns, which will allow the NYC City council to enact a ban on the use of Arizona gun show guns in the commission of crimes in NYC. Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona announced her gratitude to Mayor Bloomberg in a statement which read, "Bloomberg is such a Nancy girl!"
In further news, Mayor Bloomberg is set to announce the results of a new sting in which he has exposed the source of illicit salt entering New York City. Says the Mayor, "For too long we have fought the war on salt in my fair city. The people of New York have been subjected to increased high blood pressure and hypertension by the malicious mining of salt from beneath Lake Erie. We call on the governor of Ohio, and residents of the region to issue better screening requirements for those loathsome profiteers looking to make a buck on the back of the people who eat in this country by poisoning their food with salt." Governor Kasich responded by saying, "Bloomberg is such a Nancy girl."
